Journal thing #2

Hiya Journal Thing, how’s it goin’? good? good. That’s lovely. Oh my God, look at me. I’m talking to a book. I think I must be going crazy. Like seriously. Something must be wrong with me. My senses are dulling or something. I was walking to my car and someone actually sneaked up behind me. Thankfully it was just one of my men needing to ask a question and he hadn’t meant to sneak up, but anyway, my point is that I’m losing it. I don’t know why, but I am. I know when it started. It started when I confessed to this stupid book that I’m in love with… yu know who. That’s my problem. As I’ve aid love is weakness and now it’s starting to show.

I need to distance myself from him. How can I do that though? He’s my boss. We’re brothers, best friends. I can’t just leave, and I don’t want to leave. I love VA and I like my job here and I owe them a debt that I’ll never be able to repay. I’ve started having dreams about that night… I hear her screaming for me. I fight against the ones who were holding me. I can actually feel them beating me. My dreams have a… less than happy ending though… before Mr. St James rescues us I wake up in a cold sweat. A few times Sarah has woken up to my screams and would come and sleep with me like she used to do when she was younger and had nightmares.

I’m 24 years old. My kid sister shouldn’t have to comfort me because of fucking nightmares. I want them to stop. I NEED them to stop. I can’t be off my game. Not now. We’re still trying to find out what happened to Tigress and figure out a way to get her back. I can’t be any less than perfect to get her back. I just don’t know how to make them stop. Maybe now that I’ve written about it… maybe it will help…

1 year ago on December 29th, 2012 |0 notes